It is true that humans are fond of fantasies and it is also true that no fantasy is as appealing as the fantasy of the relationship of marriage, followed with the flowery concept of ”Happily ever after”. Ah! how romantic that feels like. Doesn’t it? Yes, it does! Sadly, there exists no such ”happily ever after” as is understood and yearned by the majority of the people, most importantly the one’s who fall in love accidently or incidentally. That’s natural. It is after all, a pleasure in itself to think about getting married to someone you already are in love with. Everything already seems perfect and no doubts seem to disturb this expected ”happy happy marriage” but for how long? These marriage suppositions are after all meant to perish one day. It is observed that people who fantasise marriages the most are the same people who after marriage are seen complaining the most. It is not marriage that hurts, it is the wrong expectations from the marriage that does.
It is observed that people who fantasise marriages the most are the same people who after marriage are seen complaining the most. It is not marriage that hurts, it is the wrong expectations from the marriage that does. I won’t delude you by calling marriage a cosy bed of roses. There is, however, no denying the fact that marriage is a beautiful relationship that if taken on real grounds can bring you a life everybody would aspire for. This can only be achieved if those hoping to get married and those already married get rid of the wrong in fact stupid marriage suppositions.
When the stupid marriage suppositions perish:
Ah! That’s painful. When you’ve to wake up to work for everyone and not being treated like a newly wedded by them. When those once upon a time love birds get into their first argument. When the one calling you his/her only choice yells, ”why the hell did I choose you?”. When the ”it’s okay dear!” turns into useless complaints. When you wait but you are not waited for. When the once prettiest looking face turns into the most vexed one. When the fantasies die and the wrong marriage suppositions get sick one after the other, it hurts! Hurts bad!
This is when one begins to realise the intensity of the wrong expectations that he has been deluded into. It is when more than half of the people realise that fantasies are fantasies and reality can’t compete it there. It is when they start to see how the practical life presents things differently. Let’s repeat, it’s not the marriage but the wrong expectations. And to avoid this hurt, it is important to come back to the real world from fantasies before you actually begin this journey.
What to do?
To do in this case, after all these lengthy lines is as clear as the day. To do is to be realistic. I am a sheer advocate of optimism and therefore, am not suggesting you to not be optimistic for what is to come but optimism and fantasy, even the toddler can tell the difference. Before you jump into the court to wear gold rings and tie knots of each other’s names, get yourself ready for the challenges life is going to throw at you. Be sure that the person you spent good days with and decided to marry would be the person you’ll keep shoulders with even if the sky falls down. Promise yourself to not give up on this beautiful relationship merely because of petty issues. Vow that you’ll always be the first to clear confusions, to make an apology, to understand the situation, to suppress your ego, to clearly speak up and discuss & to make your best, to go to the last end to make the marriage a bond you would feel happy and satisfied with.
See, this time we talked about marriage, it did not sound like a fantasy. Felt like a burden of emotional responsibility and that is what it is. That is what it becomes when the first few weeks of marriage pass. And that is how it will remain for the rest of life, so be ready. I am not threatening or throwing bad omens. I am sorry if it sounds so but I have been bound to be realistic.
The greatest advantage of entering into the relationship of marriage without any wrong marriage suppositions is that it is easy to adjust to real life. The mind is already ready, it already knows that ups and downs are part of the ride. The two will then only enjoy it together since they had not created their false Disney lands earlier. Contrary to that, the people with unrealistic ideas as said already, are soon found complaining of things publically and many a time, end up untying the very bond of marriage. The wrong marriage suppositions!
What is a Happy Marriage?
Now something for those who belong to the camp of people with status, ”Married”. No sane person would ever tell you that a happy marriage is the one where there is a 24/7 romanticism. The truth is, A happy marriage is a marriage of mutual understandings and mutual compromises. There are fights in a happy marriage too. There are confusions, temporary hatred, arguments, complaints and everything that is usually assumed about the unhappy marriages but guess what, Happy marriages have one thing that makes them happy; The mutual understanding.
It is a pity how even the people already tied in the bond of marriage are easily deluded by the public life of other couples. It is never as it looks dude! The woman you’re regretting to not have married might be the most hectic woman at home. The man you think was the most handsome for you to walk with might be the hell irritating in real life. I repeat, it is never as it looks. Some people are just trying to cover up their weakness when they pretend to be the happiest couple, some live cats and dogs life at home and it is, for this reason, they find the public romance an opportunity to jealous others and to enjoy some peace.
Reset the mindset
I want you to understand that it was the destiny that brought you to the man/woman you are currently with. It was God’s wisdom and His decree which could never be wrong. You met because you two were supposed to best fix with one another. It is okay to have issues in marriage, but please stop thinking you are living with the wrong person. This would only worsen the problems. As said, no marriage is a happy marriage on its own, it is the two partners that agree to understand one another and agree to bow for one another. Escaping to look for ”something new” would never bring you that what you’re looking for. It is exactly there where you are at this moment. There only need is to understand convince yourself that;
1. You are the best couple
2. Your priority is to look for how to fix the torn up relationship and not a quest for one more chance.
You see it’s the stupid marriage suppositions that keep hurting the rest of your life even when the delusions are gone.
Fix it because you have the power to do so. And more importantly, be realistic. The ground realities won’t change by closing the eyes, let’ s then embrace them and embrace the ones you’re bonded with to make a happy together if not the famous ”happily ever after”