Finally, it rained today here in our jungle and I had a wonderful time enjoying the smell and sound of rain. When you enjoy something in nature, you often receive some wisdom during that. So, it just happened to me and I’m sharing it here now. Please wait, let me have some cashew nut. They help me write well.
Mistake that most parents make
When becomes a parent, he naturally becomes more caring and more cautious. No parents wish to see their child in trouble. The care and nurturing that begins when a child is born continues till he begins to understand the world around him. As he grows, he learns. As he stumbles, he develops new realisations and as he improves his cognition, he tends to see things differently from others, may be from his own parents as well.
This is the part where most parents make the mistake. Definitely, there’s a time in the very early ages when we have to stop children without telling them the reason of why we don’t want them to do a certain thing since giving reasons is not always possible. Also, they being in the age of early growth have fewer tendencies to understand those reasons. The problem, however, begins when children are growing but we are not growing our teaching and parenting methodologies accordingly. They begin to think differently, while parents usually continue to follow the same ‘do as directed’ methodology. This is what majority of the parents do and this is the very reason why their begin to create the spaces and gaps that then never make up the good parent-children bond.
Consequences of forced obedience:
If you’re the parent who enforces obedience on your children by either emotional blackmailing them, warning them, or in whatever way, you must rethink the kind of children that you’re growing up. Such an obedience is never long term. There finally comes a time, when children are tired enough and they have no other option but to become an outlaw. This mainly happens because they have been told ”to do”, not ”why to do”. Had to explain to your children every time you want them to do a certain thing, they’ll have a good time understanding that the actions they’re suggested have a reason.
As said earlier, when children grow, they tend to think more. You should also consider that been separate individuals and idiocentric minds, their likes, dislikes and aspirations are different. How long will they sacrifice their dreams because yours don’t comply with them? How long will they be ”yes Dad”, ”yes Mom”? The rope of forced obedience around their neck begins to loose as they grow and think more critically. Finding that your orders don’t make sense and their happiness doesn’t matter to you. Such grudges in heart then give way to creating distances and in some cases, hatred. Oh, yes! Children hating their parents do exist. Children of the parents who never understood their offsprings.
Is there a way to fix up?
Not only that there’s a way to fix up but also that it is very easy to do so. All you need to do is
- Whenever you want your children to do something or not to do something, explain to them why are you saying so. Explaining them the reason in detail will help them understand your concerns better.
- Being parent doesn’t mean it is always your said that your children should follow. There are times when the decisions children make for themselves are far better than the decisions parents make for them. Listen to them as well.
- Good communication is the key to all tight bonds. Never use the tactics of communication boycott to convince children for something. This may work at times but this will also strengthen the grudges in their heart. Those grudges will never let them love you or express their love for you.
- Last but the most important. Please understand that it is their life. You’ve spent yours and you must have experienced how your elders kept on enforcing their decisions on you when you were young and you wish that had not happened. This is your time to cut the stupid practice. Our lives are enforced and then we enforce the life of a certain type on our further generation. Consequently, nobody lives the way they wanted to live. And this is one of the terrible truths of the time. We’re interfering and being interfered. Taking away the right and the pleasure from people of the things they want to do by heart. What kind of a generation will be formed as a result of such kind of parenting?
Fix up, please! This is the biggest favour you would do for your children.